You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
