david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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