its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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