I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
