I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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