Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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