I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
