we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
