My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
