While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
