oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
