I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can I color on your dick again?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
