Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
