carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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