You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
