already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
