awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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