it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
