Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
