i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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