you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
