some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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