Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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