If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Someone stole a lamp last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
