Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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