they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
