He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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