All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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