when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
