Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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