I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
