Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
