i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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