i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
