My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
