all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
