How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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