I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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