Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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