I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
