Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
