I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
