bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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