so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
