I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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