i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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