i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
