I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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