I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Duck Duck Cougar?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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