i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
