I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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