theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
